Girl, Lonely in Bangkok

It’s my only day off for the week, and I could choose to stay cooped up in my apartment all day or I could do some exploring. The latter was definitely more appealing. After all, I am in a new city with so many sights that I am yet to see. I am also in a new city with very little money. Not only do I have to watch my spending, I also have to make sure that I could find my way home without having to take a taxi.

I thought about spending the day writing and people watching in Chatuchak Park. I come from a city completely devoid of parks so the ones here in Bangkok are a bit of a novelty for me. I decided against it, however, because it is scorching hot today, the way Bangkok usually is after a night of rain.

After some thought, I took the BTS sky train to Siam, took the first exit, and found myself in Siam Paragon – a gigantic monolith of steel and concrete right at the heart of Siam Square. It’s no wonder of nature, but it is indeed a marvel of modern architecture, with its 9 floors of designer shops selling everything from clothes, shoes, computers, books, cars, and the list could go on and on. It is where the crème de la crème of Bangkok converge. I suddenly found myself in the presence of fashion legends that I’ve only ever heard of in many an episode of Sex and the City – Jimmy Choo(!), Balenciaga, Dolce and Gabbana, Pucci, etc. When I saw a real Ferrari up close, I knew I was on hallowed ground, and in my gauzy rainbow skirt, t-shirt, and flip-flops, I felt completely out of place. But I was in retail heaven and it would’ve taken an army to drag me out of the place. I knew I couldn’t afford anything, but it didn’t mean that I can’t look.

After walking past Jimmy Choo for what seemed like the 50th time (I couldn’t bring myself to go inside the shop. I was afraid I’d break something!), I was starving. There was a floor dedicated entirely to restaurants so I figured I could find the cheapest meal possible, or starve. I was surprised to see that everything was so affordable. I thought the food would be ridiculously overpriced like everything else. I found a little Italian restaurant, thinking that I’m finally going to satisfy my craving for pasta. I got lasagna, or at least something that they called lasagna. If that thing was any indication of the state of Italian food in Bangkok, I may never eat good pasta again. And yes, it had cilantro, lots and lots of cilantro.

I burned off my rather disappointing lunch by checking out the other floors. They had about 20 cinemas on the top floor. Once again, I was surprised to see that tickets were priced quite reasonably. I wasn’t in the mood for a movie, though, so I continued exploring. I was really excited to find a huge bookstore with a big selection of English books. The best thing about it is you can actually just sit there all day and read a book if you want to. I was tempted, but I wanted to be home before dark so I tore myself away from an annotated copy of Pablo Neruda’s poetry and hurriedly got down the nearest escalator. There’s a huge aquarium on the bottom floor where you can see all sorts of marine animals. I wanted to check it out but the tickets were quite expensive so I figured I’ll do it some other time when I’m not pinching pennies. I would’ve wanted to see that shark up close.

I walked around a bit more and found myself in an area called The Lagoon. There’s a manmade pond with huge kois, a wooden bridge, and a wooden dock where I sat, listening to the pond’s bubbling filter and almost feeling like I was in a beach somewhere. I looked up and the ceiling above the pond was painted black and spattered with tiny, twinkling lights to mimic the night sky. It was rather pretty.

I sat there for a long time just writing. I watched lovers strolling past, and I couldn’t help but feel a pang. I watched families spending quality time together, and I couldn’t help but miss mine. I watched a group of friends laughing hysterically about something, and I couldn’t help but feel lonely. It’s sad, really, I’m on the most exciting adventure of my life and I have nobody to share it with.

But as I sat there, watching the kois swim lazily and the pages of my new notebook as it absorbed the black ink of my pen, I realized that I wasn’t really sad. I chose this life, and I really won’t have it any other way. There will be time for family, friends, and maybe a boyfriend later. For now, this is time spent for myself.